content warning: possible trigger for emotional/psychological issues
Life is a concept. It is a very crappy one.
But we have to live with it. But truth be
told, it is shitty to be born only to die.
It is shitty all of your beloved people being
born only to drop dead one day. Some die
quickly, others suffer. Fuck life. Sometimes
I want to do that. Just throw myself off a
building, or jump off a bridge, or shove a
bottle of pills down my throat, or pull the
trigger of a gun that is pointed to my head,
or stay for ten minutes under water, or just
slit my throat with a fucking knife.
But, in the end, I cannot. It is killing me.
Why cannot I simply blow my brains off and
stop this cheap soap opera? The thing is that…
I am a coward. I was born a fucking chicken.
Fuck life, or, better said, fuck me. Ironic…
But maybe, one day I will be brave. I have this
little hope, that I am going to be able to throw
myself off something and just fly and be taken
away to whatever is there, after this. No, I do
not believe in Oblivion. I believe in myself,
though. But, at the same time, I have
some little hope about life. Maybe it is not
so much of a living hell and the problem is me.
I have not seen enough miracles. Oh… This
is bullshit. Maybe, one day I will be fearless.
As a writer, I get to be many things. As an actress, I get to be many things. This time, I tried to sound suicidal. Did it work?